Dear Parents,
As a parent of teenagers, you may encounter misbehavior. This can range from minor annoyances at times, to serious problems. What causes our kids to misbehave? Are they just bad? Do they just want to see us suffer? Are they stubborn, spoiled, selfish, or all of the above? What could possibly motivate them to misbehave?
Maslow defined the hierarchy of needs. At the bottom are the basic physical needs of food, shelter, water, and then the need for basic safety. Makes sense. We all need those things.
Everyone also has emotional needs. And this is where it can start to get tricky. People will strive to get their emotional needs met in sometimes strange and unusual ways. When someone’s behavior (particularly a teen) just doesn’t’ make sense, chances are they acting from their “private logic”. There is some emotional need they are trying to meet.
Children will get their needs met in either appropriate or inappropriate ways, depending on what has worked for them in the past. For example did you ever see a small child pretend to fall and hurt herself and start crying – just to get attention? Somewhere along the line she learned to get attention that way. She doesn’t know another more effective way to get attention, so she acts out that behavior.
When your teen is acting in a way that just confuses you, start by asking the question, what need might he be trying to meet? Over the next few days I’ll be talking about 6 emotional needs and how you might better understand teen behavior.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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