Dear Parents,
For you to be effective in setting boundaries, you need to have these three things going for you.
Self Awareness
Self Love
A willingness to say the hard stuff
I will be talking about each of these over the next three days.
Please join me tomorrow at noon for a free teleseminar, Boundaries - The Limits of Love.
Click here to register.
Happy Halloween!!
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
www.TheParentSuccessCoach.com
Monday, October 31, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Obstacles to Setting Boundaries 4
Dear Parents,
Poor Communication Skills are also a major obstacle to setting boundaries. In order to set boundaries in a way that is effective, they need to be clearly articulated. When we don’t have the language to express what is bothering us, or what behavior we want, this can be very difficult.
This is why upgrading your skills is so important. Through books, teleseminars and coaching, parents can get more information that helps them to get clear on what they want, and get the tools to be able to implement change effectively.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
www.TheParentSuccessCoach.com
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Obstacles to Setting Boundaries 3
Dear Parents,
Another obstacle to setting boundaries is we have a fear of abandonment, which leads us to people pleasing behaviors. Do you find it hard to say no? Why is that? At some level, we all have the need to belong and we all want to be liked. This is natural.
If we have developed too much dependency on others, we look to others for validation, and we seek their approval, it can be very difficult This is especially true if we have developed habits of taking care of others and neglecting ourselves, or if that behavior was modeled for us. For example if your Mom was a person who took care of others and neglected herself, you might have picked that up as an example of how women are supposed to be. Once that habit has been developed, it can be hard to break the mold and start putting yourself first.
There are effective strategies to overcome these boundaries. Please join me on Tuesday November 1st at Noon EST for a free telelseminar, Boundaries the Limits of Love. Click Here to Register.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
Friday, October 28, 2011
Obstacles to Setting Boundaries 2
Dear Parents,
Another obstacle to setting boundaries is that some of us learned to equate abuse with love. When the people who are supposed to love you and take care of you are abusive, you have no frame of reference for boundaries, because there are none.
If the abuse is verbal, your emotional boundaries are violated regularly, so you probably aren’t even aware that you have them. Verbal abuse always precedes physical abuse, so if you were physically abused, you would have no frame of reference for emotional boundaries at all. You might know your physical boundaries, but you probably never learned an effective way to honor and respect them.
There are effective strategies to overcome these boundaries. Please join me on Tuesday November 1st at Noon EST for a free telelseminar, Boundaries the Limits of Love. Click here to register.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Obstacles to Setting Boundaries 1
Dear Parents,
One obstacle to setting boundaries with our teens is not knowing our feelings.
As children, many of us were encouraged to disconnect from our feelings. Many parents do this without even knowing it. This can happen when the adult in your life reflects a reality back to you that isn’t your reality.
Take the example of Sara who was 3 years old. She fell and hurt her knee, and was crying but there were no marks on her knee. Her Mom said to Sara, “Nothing Happened, Stop Crying”. If this happened to Sara continually over time, she might learn to ignore her own experience and perceptions, and look to others for validation of things that she could only know for herself, like how she feels.
When our emotional boundaries were violated or ignored as children, we get used to it. And we don't have any modeling to know how to communicate to others how we want to be treated.
This leaves a lot of parents with no frame of reference for setting emotional boundaries with people.
There are strategies to overcome these obstacles. I will be talking about boundaries on Tuesday November 1 at noon EST in my FREE Teleseminar "Boundaries - The Limits of Love.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Four Obstacles to Setting Boundaries
Dear Parents
When we talk about setting boundaries with our teens, most of the time it involves emotional boundaries. This can be complicated to define.
I have noticed four specific obstacles that people face that can make it almost impossible, or at least very difficult to set boundaries. . The Four Obstacles are. They Are Not knowing our feelings, Connecting Abuse with Love, Fear of Abandonment, and Poor Communication Skills.
I will be expanding on each of these over the next few days.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Setting Boundaries
Dear Parents,
Sometimes when our teens behave in ways that are not acceptable to us, we need to set some boundaries.
For example, lets say your teen has developed a habit of yelling at you in anger.
You can calmly state that you will not tolerate being yelled at. He is welcome to continue yelling, however, if he does, you will leave the room. You will not engage any discussion until he uses a normal tone.
Pretty simple, right?
Well, in theory it is. But a lot of people face some obstacles in setting boundaries.
I'll be talking about those over the next few days.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
Monday, October 24, 2011
Reprint - When Your Child's Addiction Becomes Your Own
When Your Child's Addiction Becomes Your Own.
By Elaine Altman-Eller
By Elaine Altman-Eller
Letting go is:
Supporting, not fixing
• Permitting another to face reality
• Allowing consequences
• Not taking responsibility for them
• Admitting the outcome is not in your hands
• Acceptance
In letting go, you truly embrace your parental power, by being the example of that which you wish them to do. The addict will be most positively affected by a healthy parent who takes care of themselves, has good boundaries, follows through, respects themselves and honors their life. You don’t need to control or change the addict’s actions, but you can learn to change your responses.
You best help your addicted child by:
• Reaching out for support of others who have been through it
• Expressing your feelings
• Letting your child solve the problems their addiction creates
• Focusing on one day at a time
• Not determining your choices by theirs
• Not doing for them what they can do for themselves
Remember, your child doesn’t need you to take them away from their journey towards discovering their light, they simply need to see your light shining as a reminder of their own along the way.
• Permitting another to face reality
• Allowing consequences
• Not taking responsibility for them
• Admitting the outcome is not in your hands
• Acceptance
In letting go, you truly embrace your parental power, by being the example of that which you wish them to do. The addict will be most positively affected by a healthy parent who takes care of themselves, has good boundaries, follows through, respects themselves and honors their life. You don’t need to control or change the addict’s actions, but you can learn to change your responses.
You best help your addicted child by:
• Reaching out for support of others who have been through it
• Expressing your feelings
• Letting your child solve the problems their addiction creates
• Focusing on one day at a time
• Not determining your choices by theirs
• Not doing for them what they can do for themselves
Remember, your child doesn’t need you to take them away from their journey towards discovering their light, they simply need to see your light shining as a reminder of their own along the way.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Reprint - When Your Child's Addiction Becomes Your Own
When Your Child's Addiction Becomes Your Own.
By Elaine Altman-Eller
Continued from yesterday...
3) Believing the addiction means something about you.
Self-blaming causes guilt, anger, regret, and a sense of inadequacy as a parent. Identifying with your child’s addiction - either feeling responsible for fixing it or unable to face it. The key is not gaining control or changing the addiction. It is understanding you have no control over the addiction. You do, however, have power; the power to let go.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
www.TheParentSuccessCoach.com
By Elaine Altman-Eller
Continued from yesterday...
3) Believing the addiction means something about you.
Self-blaming causes guilt, anger, regret, and a sense of inadequacy as a parent. Identifying with your child’s addiction - either feeling responsible for fixing it or unable to face it. The key is not gaining control or changing the addiction. It is understanding you have no control over the addiction. You do, however, have power; the power to let go.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
www.TheParentSuccessCoach.com
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