Dear Parents,
How do we deal with bullies then? Punishing the bully doesn’t help, because punishment just further overpowers the bully. Feeling overpowered is the problem to begin with.
Getting the bully to apologize to the victim doesn’t really work either because someone who is continually overpowered hasn’t really learned empathy – so even if they apologize, it’s generally not sincere. In order to develop any empathy at all, a person first has to have a sense of self, and a sense of their own feelings. From a place of self respect a person then can respect another person, and have empathy for their experience and their feelings. Having to accept an empty apology just feels worse for the victim.
The intervention that has to happen with a bully has to be sensitive to the fact that he’s probably being overpowered somewhere, and he probably needs some empathy and understanding himself. Schools are really challenged with these problems because their resources and outreach are typically limited to what happens on school property, and not beyond. This is a complicated issue.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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