Dear Parents,
One obstacle to setting boundaries with our teens is not knowing our feelings.
As children, many of us were encouraged to disconnect from our feelings. Many parents do this without even knowing it. This can happen when the adult in your life reflects a reality back to you that isn’t your reality.
Take the example of Sara who was 3 years old. She fell and hurt her knee, and was crying but there were no marks on her knee. Her Mom said to Sara, “Nothing Happened, Stop Crying”. If this happened to Sara continually over time, she might learn to ignore her own experience and perceptions, and look to others for validation of things that she could only know for herself, like how she feels.
When our emotional boundaries were violated or ignored as children, we get used to it. And we don't have any modeling to know how to communicate to others how we want to be treated.
This leaves a lot of parents with no frame of reference for setting emotional boundaries with people.
There are strategies to overcome these obstacles. I will be talking about boundaries on Tuesday November 1 at noon EST in my FREE Teleseminar "Boundaries - The Limits of Love.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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