Tip # 1 Respect their individuality.

Dear Parents,

It is important to recognize that our children are not extensions of ourselves.  They are unique individuals, whole and complete within themselves.  Sometimes as parents we find it difficult to know where we end and where they begin.  Especially when a child bears a close resemblance to one parent, that parent may unknowingly assume that their child “should” be like them, have the same interests, and behave in the same manner.  These assumptions can put pressure on a child to live up to an ideal rather than develop into the amazing and unique person they are meant to be.

How can you catch yourself in time to break this habit?  Notice if you are telling them what they should do, how they should think, or how they should feel.  You may have fallen into the trap of viewing them as an ideal rather than seeing them as who they really are.  This is extremely frustrating for them.  An obvious clue is when your child says “Mom, you never listen to me”.

As you become aware of the “should” habit, you can switch gears and instead, ask them what they think?  How do they feel?  What do they think is the best way to deal with the issue? Then sincerely listen to their answer.

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach


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