Dear Parents,
One emotional need that is not talked about quite as often as the others is the need to feel special. Although we tend to connect around things that we have in common with others, everyone also has a need to be recognized and appreciated for those things that make them unique.
Let me ask you this, how is your need to feel special met? If you have a special talent or gift that others appreciate, like singing or musical talent, this might be an easy question for you to answer. For others it might not be so obvious.
There are subtle ways that people can acknowledge your uniqueness. For me, I love to watch “The Biggest Loser” on Tuesday nights. I enjoy the transformation, and I laugh every week during the weigh in when they cut to the commercial and Bob has this exasperated expression on his face. It cracks me up every time. Most Tuesday nights, my family will sit and watch the show with me. I don’t think any of them really care for the show like I do. My enjoyment of it is unique and special to me, and by joining me, they acknowledge that uniqueness.
With our teens, acknowledging where they are special can sometimes go too far, especially when we get a little too emotionally involved in it. We can sometimes “over do it” when it comes to laying on the praise for special talent. For example kids with talent in sports or the arts, sometimes feel the weight of parental pressure to perform. We run the risk of giving a mixed message that our love is conditional based on their performance. This can sometimes happen when a parent’s need to feel special isn’t being met, and they unknowingly try to meet it through their child.
How do you tell the difference? Pay attention to how you feel and to your child’s reaction. . If you feel a little tense, or that you are expecting something in return for acknowledging where they are special, you may want to check in to see what’s going on. And don’t be afraid to reach out for more information and help. Self-awareness takes enormous courage. Parenting requires certain skills, and like any other skill, you can learn, practice and improve continually over your lifetime.
As a parent myself, I have made mistakes and continue to make new ones!! However, I have committed myself to continual learning, practicing new skills and ongoing improvement. It’s very empowering, and I would like to encourage you also.
Feel free to e-mail me at Jane@TheParentSuccessCoach.com if you have questions.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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