Over the next several days, I am going to be addressing to topic of Power Struggles. Many parents of teenagers deal with this on a daily basis.
To begin this discussion, let’s look at a very broad view of power. There are two ways to experience power. Power Over, and Mutual Power.
The model of power over shows up as control and dominance It has the assumption that one person has the right to control another person. It requires obedience, submission to the person in control. Most of us were raised with this model to some extent. Parents, teachers, other adults were in control, and as children we were supposed to obey them. A “good child” was one that would do as they were told without question. Parents are actually judged as “good or bad” parents based on their ability to control their children. Teachers are similarly judged based on their ability to “control their classroom”.
This model also assumes that some adults have the right to control and dominate other adults. In a patriarchal society, it is assumed that men control and dominate their wives. In employment situations, it is assumed that employers can control and dominate their employees.
In the model of Power Over, might makes right, and being right or winning is the overall objective. Any disagreement is a battle, and the objective is to dominate, to win, to have control. Competition is fierce. In order for this model to work, there must be another person to control.
Most of our history here in the United States was built on the Power Over model. Many religious, political, educational and corporate institutions were based on this model and continue to function with it as a basic context today. It is there as a backdrop of just “how things are”.
Tomorrow I will compare this to the model of "Mutual Power".
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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