Tip # 1 – Understand that the “drama” is real.
As part of the maturation process that begins in earnest in middle school, you will notice that kids have the tendency o either go one way or the other.
My son, who always had a very relaxed , minimalist attitude toward school, actually matured during those years, and got more focused on his studies. You will see a lot of students mature and get more focused on their interests in either sports, academics, the arts, etc. as they start to formulate ideas about their future.
At the same time, you will see kids who were always good students start to rebel, and start failing in middle school., or acting out and getting into trouble for various rebellious behaviors. Kids who get into substances, alcohol and drugs tend to start in middle school.
Along with this turmoil comes changes in friendships. Kids who were friends for years as little ones, may have a falling out, say or do hurtful things to each other. They start to define themselves in terms of sports, fashion, substance abuse, academic performance, sexual identity, and sometimes start to become exclusive with their friend groups. They can be downright mean to kids who they want to exclude. We actually see a lot of bullying during this time.
HBO Family has a special called “Middle School Confessions” which shows the depth of the emotional pain that a lot of young people experience at this time.
Parents need to understand that because of all of these elements, our kids sense of belonging is disrupted on almost a daily basis during the middle school years. If you have ever experienced a move, change in jobs or schools, the death or illness of a family member, any of these events can disrupt your sense of belonging. It can be quite unsettling. Understand that our kids are not exaggerating the sense of uncertainty and disruption that they are feeling.
From an adult perspective, it may be "kids stuff". From our kids perspective it is their real experience.
Tomorrow I will share another tip with you.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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