Dear Parents,
Patricia Evans, author of "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" makes an important distinction between "Power Over" and "Personal Power". Although the topic of verbal abuse might sound ugly, it's actually quite common, and the behavioral dynamics begin in childhood, thus this is an important topic for parents to be educated in.
"Power Over" includes any communication where one person assumes to have power over the other. It's forms include one-upmanship, criticizing, intimidating, defeating, topping, and hard selling. These types of communications are commonly accepted in our culture, particularly in a competitive setting. It shows up as control and dominance, and has a tendency to kill the spirit.
"Personal Power" assumes a sense of mutuality, and benefit for all. A person with a sense of personal power assumes their own view is valid, and is also considerate of the views of others. There is a spirit of respect, and a desire to co-create, and is nurturing to the spirit.
The questions to ask yourself as a parent are: How am I communicating with my teen? Is my communication intended to take control and thus power over? If it is, I bet you are experiencing difficulties. Teens naturally are maturing into adults and will begin to expand their views of the world and of themselves. They will rebel against attempts to hinder or delay this process, and will rebel against "Power Over" communication.
How is your teen communicating with you? Do you feel your teen is attempting to gain "Power Over" you?
In this case, you may need to look closer at the relationship to see what's going on. Has your communication been based in mutuality? You may need to have a heart to heart with your teen to find out what they are feeling and where they are coming from.
Over the next several days we will explore specific categories of "Power Over" communication.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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