Dear Parents,
Today I am continuing my reflections on Patricia Evans important work in the area of Verbal Abuse. In exploring the topic, she details various categories of communication that are important to become aware of. Today we want to look at countering.
So what is countering? Countering is when someone argues against everything you say. Even when you relay your most personal thoughts, perceptions, and experiences, the person who counters will argue against it. Countering is extremely frustrating to deal with. No matter what you say, however rationally or gently you explain yourself, the person who counters never sees your point, never comes to an agreement. It can be highly irrational. Even if you agree with them you will find them arguing against it.
Countering blocks all chance of true communication. It is extremely frustrating. People in these conversations find themselves feeling emotionally drained. Have you had this experience? Do you experience this with your teens?
If you are experiencing this type of communication with someone, stop the interaction immediately and do not engage it. It is important for your own sanity to realize that the person is not in a rational mindset, and therefore no true communication can or will take place in that moment. Walking away isn't the whole answer obviously, but it is a great start for you to set the boundary of how you will be spoken to.
Do you recognize yourself in this description? Do you sometimes get in a mood and counter everything your spouse or children say? Recognize that this behavior is shutting off all communication, and is damaging to your relations with others. It would be better to say that you are in a bad mood and need some time for yourself.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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