Dear Parents,
I have been writing about various communication issues, reflecting on the work of Patricia Evans in her groundbreaking books. Her book "Controlling People" details the dynamics that lead a person to controlling behavior, and it is a fascinating account. She details a scenario where one person projects an "ideal image" onto another person.
This is a common phenomenon with parents, seeing their children as "their ideal". For example, your ideal might be for your child to pursue the sciences, while your real child is more interested in music. Parents can try to dominate and control their children, steering them toward pursuits that reflect their ideals, and create a lot of pressure and stress both for themselves and their children. Communication seriously breaks down when a parent is trying to pressure a child to be something that they are not.
The drive to have another person conform to your ideal results in controlling behavior, and some of the controlling forms of communication that I've written about over the past several posts. Try to become aware of your ideals, and open your mind to the "real person", and what they are trying to express.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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