Dear Parents,
In "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", Patricia Evans describes Blocking and Diverting as a category of abusive communication.
Blocking and Diverting is intended to change the subject and therefore prevent any real communication on the subject at hand. For example, a direct question, like "Where have you been"? can result in lots of going round and round, however the question "Where have you been" somehow remains unanswered.
Have you experienced this with your teen? The question "Where have you been" might be responded to with "What are you so mad at?". Next thing you know, you are justifying your right to be mad, and the discussion goes in a completely different direction. Parents with intentions for goodwill and communication can easily get sidetracked because you naturally want to answer a question when asked. Good-natured people can easily fall prey to being blocked and diverted.
What to do if you recognize this type of communication? Repeat the question. "Where have you been?" "What are you so mad at?" " Where have you been?" Again and again and again until you get an answer to the original question. Do not engage in any discussion about anything until you receive an answer to your question.
Exhausting? Well, yes, but no more exhausting than going on endlessly and not getting an answer to your question. It also starts the process of setting your boundaries for communication. When you ask a direct question, you expect and deserve a direct answer, and will accept nothing less.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
No comments:
Post a Comment