Undermining is another form of communication that creates distance. Undermining can take many different forms and it has the result of breaking one's confidence and determination and erodes the self esteem. Patricia Evans gives several examples of undermining statements in her book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". These include statements like...
"Who asked you?" or "Why bother?" or "It's over your head." or "You'll never make it".
Undermining implies that the other person is inadequate and that you have no faith in them. It is hurtful, and can leave a person questioning themselves. In working with parents, I find that many people have endured undermining in their own childhoods, and many continue to receive this type of communication in adult relationships, both intimate and professional. This leaves parents feeling unsure of themselves, unsure of their parenting skills. One of the biggest outcomes of having experienced undermining is being indecisive. Weighing even simple decisions endlessly, trying so hard not to make a mistake.
If you find yourself in this category, it is extremely important to nurture yourself. Identify those relationships where you are on the receiving end of undermining communication, and start setting your boundaries to put a stop to it. Putting a stop to self doubt is a critical step to gaining the confidence to tap into your parental wisdom and intuition.
Here at the Parent Success Coach, we believe strongly in our unique Inside/Out Parenting Approach™ where all change first comes from within. We focus on empowering, nurturing, and educating parents first. With ongoing support, we guide you in your journey to create the family life that you desire and deserve.
To Your Family,
The Parent Success Coach
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