Dear Parents,
Patricia Evans, in her groundbreaking book, Controlling People, speaks of an experience that is common to so many children. Did this, or something similar to it, happen to you as a child? You have fallen, and scraped your hands or knee, and you are crying. An adult says to you "That doesn't hurt, you have nothing to cry about. Stop crying." Essentially, an adult reflects back to you that your experience, was NOT your experience, or that it shouldn't be. Confusing, isn't it? Especially for a child. This can start you on a pattern of second guessing yourself, your feelings, your experiences. Since you can't trust your own perceptions, you look to others to validate you. Does any of this sound familiar?
If you experienced anything like this as a child, take heart. Your experience was your experience. As an adult now it is important to nurture yourself, to know that your perceptions are yours, and they are valid. It isn't anyone's job to interpret your perceptions for you.
As a parent, do you catch yourself making these kinds of statements to your own children? Simple awareness is all you need. If you catch yourself defining your child's experience for them, it's easy enough to say, "Sorry, I take that back. How are you feeling?" Then let them express their experience.
This is a very powerful way of validating your child, which in turn translates into enhanced self esteem, self reliance, and development of their intuition.
To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach
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