Jane Cabrera, The Parent Success Coach, Reminds Parents to Nurture Yourself

Dear Parents,

Patricia Evans, in her groundbreaking book, Controlling People, speaks of an experience that is common to so many children.  Did this, or something similar to it, happen to you as a child?  You have fallen, and scraped your hands or knee, and you are crying.  An adult says to you "That doesn't hurt, you have nothing to cry about.  Stop crying."  Essentially, an adult reflects back to you that your experience, was NOT your experience, or that it shouldn't be.  Confusing, isn't it?  Especially for a child.  This can start you on a pattern of second guessing yourself, your feelings, your experiences.  Since you can't trust your own perceptions, you look to others to validate you.  Does any of this sound familiar?

If you experienced anything like this as a child, take heart.  Your experience was your experience.  As an adult now it is important to nurture yourself, to know that your perceptions are yours, and they are valid.  It isn't anyone's job to interpret your perceptions for you. 

As a parent, do you catch yourself making these kinds of statements to your own children?  Simple awareness is all you need.  If you catch yourself defining your child's experience for them, it's easy enough to say, "Sorry, I take that back.  How are you feeling?"  Then let them express their experience.

This is a very powerful way of validating your child, which in turn translates into enhanced self esteem, self reliance, and development of their intuition. 

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach

Jane Cabrera, The Parent Success Coach, Tips for Parents

Dear Parents,

I have recently read some excellent books by Patricia Evans.  She is an expert in Verbal Abuse and has written several books on the topic.  Her ground breaking "Controlling People" describes behavioral dynamics in a profoundly accurate way and really helps to make sense of the senseless.

I have found her material to be most useful in working with parents.  Parents unknowingly recreate these dynamics with their own children, and simple awareness can go a long way to change the dynamics for generations to come.

Over the next few weeks I will be reflecting on selected topics from her books, to educate parents and raise awareness.

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach

Jane Cabrera, The Parent Success Coach, Tips for Parents

Parents,

Are you getting into power struggles with your teens over getting them to do chores and the like?  Especially in the summer, when the pace is much slower, it can be hard to get them moving.  Things like taking out the trash,  laundry, or summer reading can become a point of contention.

The first step is to make sure you have clear agreements.  Communicate specifically what you expect them to do and by when, and check to make sure that you have their agreement. (This could be by having them repeat it back.)  For example, 30 minutes of reading every day by 9:00pm.  Or take out the trash on Monday and Friday evening by 8:00pm.

Then, on Monday at 8:05, when the trash isn't out, limit what you say to just one word.  "Trash". 
That's it.  No yelling, no complaining, no arguing.  Simple, elegant, and effective.  Keeps you calm and collected.  If they come back with comments like "In a minute" or other tactics, just repeat the one word.  Hold to it.  Keep your tone firm and kind. 

Try it out, and let me know how it works for you.

To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach

Jane Cabrera, The Parent Success Coach, Enjoying the Summer

Dear Parents,

I hope you are enjoying the summer.  We are enjoying the opportunity to sleep a little later and have a more relaxed schedule.  What are some of your favorite summer rituals?  Post in the comments section.

To Your Family,
Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach

Welcome to The Parent Success Coach!

Hi!  I am Jane Cabrera and I am The Parent Success Coach.
Thank you for visiting my blog.  I will be posting information for parents of teenagers to help them improve family relations.  Look forward to seeing you soon at the Parent Success Coach.


To Your Family,


Jane Cabrera
The Family Success Coach

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www.solutionsforparenting.com