Tip # 2 Notice how you are listening

Dear Parents,

Check in with yourself and answer this question honestly – what are you listening for?  Are you expecting your child to be wrong, and are you poised to jump in and correct him?  Are you expecting your teen to be disrespectful  and are you already on the defensive?  Are you expecting your teen’s perspective to be silly or childish, and are you already dismissing what he is about to say?

Honestly assessing your expectation can be uncomfortable, however this can be the most powerful change you can make toward real communication with your teen.  

If you catch yourself expecting the worst, redirect yourself.  If necessary, acknowledge this to your teen and ask to start over.  He / She will respect your honesty, and you will go a long way in modeling integrity which opens the door to true communication and relationship.

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera

The Parent Success Coach

Providing Guidance to Create Harmony and Loving Family Connections

Get My Free Report:

www.SolutionsForParenting.com

Tip # 1 Respect their individuality.

Dear Parents,

It is important to recognize that our children are not extensions of ourselves.  They are unique individuals, whole and complete within themselves.  Sometimes as parents we find it difficult to know where we end and where they begin.  Especially when a child bears a close resemblance to one parent, that parent may unknowingly assume that their child “should” be like them, have the same interests, and behave in the same manner.  These assumptions can put pressure on a child to live up to an ideal rather than develop into the amazing and unique person they are meant to be.

How can you catch yourself in time to break this habit?  Notice if you are telling them what they should do, how they should think, or how they should feel.  You may have fallen into the trap of viewing them as an ideal rather than seeing them as who they really are.  This is extremely frustrating for them.  An obvious clue is when your child says “Mom, you never listen to me”.

As you become aware of the “should” habit, you can switch gears and instead, ask them what they think?  How do they feel?  What do they think is the best way to deal with the issue? Then sincerely listen to their answer.

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach


PS.  Get my Free Report at 
www.solutionsforparenting.com

7 Tips to Effective Communication with your Teen

Dear Parents,

Parenting is the most important job in the world. I personally want to thank you for reading my posts and taking this step to improve your parenting skills! 

At the Parent Success Coach, we specialize in the unique Inside/Out Parenting Approach™ .  This approach focuses on YOU, the parent, and what you bring to the family dynamic.  By focusing inside, you only have to work on you, your motivations, your responses.  This takes away the pressure of trying to control the behavior of others, and immediately aligns you with your own power.

Over the next week I will be sharing my 7 Tips to Effective Communication with Your teen.  I hope you find them helpful!

I love hearing from you, so please post your comments.

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera,

The Parent Success Coach

Get my Free report at 

www.SolutionsforParenting.com

How I became the Parent Success Coach

Dear Parents,

Yesterday I told you about how I was able to see how my behavior was contributing to creating the problem.  When I changed my behavior, the problem went away.  It was a lot faster and easier than I ever thought possible.

I realize that people have more serious issues going on in their families than homework.  Quite frankly, I did too. This one success gave me the confidence to give it a try on other issues. 

Remember, the key part of my success was recognizing and admitting to what I was doing to contribute.  That part was really hard.  I had to take baby steps.  You might need to take baby steps too.  I am here to tell you that's perfectly all right.  A baby step in the right direction, is a step in the right direction.

I started to take on more things and started to have more success with creating the family life that I desired.

I was so excited about what I had learned, and the success that I was having, that I wanted to share it with other parents.  I certified as an instructor of the Redirecting Children's Behavior curriculum, and started holding small workshops in my area.

It was very rewarding and humbling to work with parents, to help them learn and practice the tools.  I learned so much from them.  The parents that came together were always very supportive of each other.  Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and I found that parents with strength in an area were able to offer suggestions to each other in a very supportive and loving way.  

I loved the work I was doing, and continued to expand my knowledge base.  As my children were growing the dynamics were changing.  What worked for a 12 year old didn't work with a 16 year old, so I had to keep learning and growing myself.  As I grew, I was blessed to be able to share my learning with others.

As time passed, I realized that it was time to follow my passion and to dedicate myself to this full time.  I left the accounting profession and became The Parent Success Coach.  It is my honor and pleasure to be here now, and I am here to support you in creating the family life that you desire and deserve.

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera,

The Parent Success Coach

Get my Free Report at 

www.solutionsforparenting.com 

How I became the Parent Success Coach

Dear Parents,

Yesterday I was telling you about how I took a course called Redirecting Children's Behavior (RCB), and how that course rocked my world.  

At the time I was having a problem getting my son to do homework.  He would always procrastinate until the last minute.  It was driving me crazy.  I complained about it a lot.  I talked with him about it a lot.

But it never changed.

In RCB, I learned that I was rescuing him  - giving him lot of attention and help at the last minute.  So my behavior was actually ENCOURAGING him to PROCRASTINATE!  

I decided to change my behavior, to see what would happen.  The next time he waited until the last minute, I resisted the urge to rescue him and help him.  This was very hard for me to do.  I felt very uncomfortable.  I second guessed myself.  And it wasn't pretty the first time, or the second.

But in a few short weeks, I had broken the habit of rescuing him at the last minute.  And guess what?  He started doing his work on time.

At first I was embarrassed to realize that I was encouraging the behavior that I was complaining about.  But I was so excited to realize that I had the power to change my conditions.  It was also a lot faster and easier than I ever expected it to be!

Tomorrow I'll tell you what I did next!

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera,

The Parent Success Coach

Get my Free Report at

www.solutionsforparenting.com

How I became the Parent Success Coach

Dear Parents,

Were you mislead into believing that a nice home and financial stability were all you needed to have a happy family life?  Are you finding that even though you may have those things, your home life is less than peaceful?

I know the feeling.  I put so much effort into maintaining my home, and career in accounting .  I spent quality time with my children and husband attending to all of their needs.

I really thought I was doing everything I was supposed to do. 

That’s why I couldn’t understand why there was so much conflict.

I had always been interested in psychology, human behavior and motivation.  I took a course called "Redirecting Children's Behavior".  What I learned rocked my world.

I learned that MY behaviors, attitudes and tone of voice were CONTRIBUTING to  most of the problems that I was complaining about.  When I first realized this, I felt guilty, embarrassed, and a little stupid.

I was feeling skeptical that I could change things just by my behavior alone.  But I thought it made sense to give it a try.    I'll tell you what happened in my next post.

To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera

The Parent Success Coach

Get my Free Report at 

www.SolutionsforParenting.com

Back to school - High School

Dear Parents,

My 15 year old son just got back to school and has started high school.  Having my daughter away at college presents an issue that came up last night.  He was having trouble with an algebra problem, so I looked at it, and realized that I had no clue.  When my daughter was home, I would pass some of his questions on to her - being that she was pretty current with the material.  Now there's just me sitting there saying "ummm,  wow, I don't remember this stuff". 

Raising kids in the world of technology and information is interesting because they do become academically and technologically superior to us pretty quickly.  I was having my son help me with Powerpoint presentations when he was in the third grade, and I know others who have told me the same.  People comment to me often that they feel like kids today are smarter than we were.  I believe that they are, they need to keep up with change at a far more rapid rate than we did and it just keeps accelerating.

With all of this going on, the little things become very important to maintain sanity.  Structures like dinner time and bed time are not talked about that often in reference to teens.  However, they are very important to their health and sanity, especially in our fast changing times.  What structures and rituals do you keep in place in your family?

  To Your Family,

Jane Cabrera
The Parent Success Coach